What does excessive self-criticism cost you?

“What you tell yourself everyday will either lift you up or tear you down.” Author Unknown

Excessive and unnecessary self-criticism undoubtedly costs us dearly. Yet we are often unaware of the degree to which it impacts us individually and collectively.

Let me be clear, self-criticism and self-critiquing is a fantastic and NECESSARY attribute. Our capacity for self-reflection is vital for self-awareness, self-understanding, self-leadership, and self-management. It is also critical for assisting us to grow and develop.

Without this capacity we can end up being quite unaware and ungrounded, driven by ego, reactivity, or impulsivity and stagnant as we are not learning.

However, if self-criticism becomes excessive and drowns out the self-awareness of our positive attributes, our skills, strengths, the value and contributions we make and our potential, we may end up feeling like an empty shell version of ourselves, an imposter or a fraud.

How self-critical are you?

Excessive self-criticism is unfortunately a far too common trait among many professionals and can significantly influence, not just ourselves, but also our workplace interactions and behaviours.

Working on taming the inner critic so it is more under our influence can be a very empowering way to build self-leadership. Some of the most common feedback I receive from my Thriving Professional Women’s program, is how powerful the section on self-criticism is. We work on shifting our self-talk aligning the way we want others to relate and speak with us, with the way we relate to and speak with ourselves.

Understanding and recognising these thinking patterns and their impact is so the critical in helping us navigate ourselves, but it also fosters better relationships with others and a more supportive team environment.

So what unhelpful thinking patterns and behaviours does excessive self-criticism drive?

1. Excessive Validation Seeking

One of the most observable behaviours driven by self-criticism is the constant search for validation. Individuals who doubt their capabilities or are overly critical of their performance may seek continuous affirmation from colleagues and supervisors. This behaviour stems from a fear of not being 'good enough' and an internal narrative that undervalues one’s own achievements. While feedback is essential, the excessive need for it can lead to dependency, which might hinder an individual's capacity to work autonomously and confidently.

2. Overworking and Perfectionism

Self-criticism often walks hand in hand with perfectionism. This can manifest as overworking—spending extra hours to ensure every detail is flawless, even at the cost of personal well-being. While high standards can drive excellence, when propelled by self-criticism, they can create unrealistic expectations. This not only places undue stress on the individual but can also create a pressurised team environment.

3. Reluctance to Take Initiative

Conversely, self-criticism might cause some individuals to shrink back from taking initiative. The fear of criticism or failure can paralyse decision-making and stifle creativity, resulting in missed opportunities for personal growth and organisational innovation. People in this category often have great potential but hold back due to a harsh internal critic.

4. Difficulty Accepting Praise and Positive Feedback

For those with a critical self-view, accepting praise can be challenging. They may deflect compliments or respond with self-deprecating remarks, unable to acknowledge their success genuinely. This behaviour can diminish their achievements and affect their self-esteem, creating a cycle where their perceptions of inadequacy are perpetually reinforced.

5. Procrastination

Ironically, the pressure imposed by one's own critical standards can lead to procrastination. The overwhelming anxiety about not meeting these standards can result in delaying tasks, which in the workplace translates to missed deadlines and reduced productivity. Procrastination, in this context, is a defence mechanism against the fear of perceived failure or criticism.

6. Lack of Boundaries

Excessive self-criticism can undermine our ability to set healthy boundaries by convincing us that our needs are less important than those of others. This often leads to overcommitting or neglecting our own well-being to meet external expectations or approval.

Encouraging Self-Compassion

One of the most powerful ways to address excessive self-criticism is to build self-compassion.

Self-compassion is crucial because it allows us to approach our shortcomings with kindness and understanding, rather than harsh judgment, fostering resilience and emotional well-being. It encourages us to accept and nurture ourselves, which enhances our capacity to cope with stress and recover from setbacks more effectively.

Leaders and supervisors can play a crucial role by:

• Modelling that they are not excessively self-critical

• Encouraging a culture of open, constructive feedback.

• Recognising and celebrating achievements to reinforce positive outcomes.

• Offering support and resources for personal development.

Understanding and mitigating the effects of self-criticism is essential for creating a healthier, more productive workplace. It involves shifting the focus from what is lacking to what has been accomplished and encouraging a learning mindset that values growth over perfection.

As professionals strive to develop a kinder internal dialogue, they not only improve their own lives but also enhance the overall health and effectiveness of their organisations. This transformation begins with self-awareness and is nurtured through continuous self-care and support from a mindful and empathetic community.

If you are keen to explore this further, there are some recommendations from me below.

I’d love to hear your feedback and thoughts on this topic.