Are You Setting Healthy Boundaries?
Developing boundaries is a critical topic because we all need to build and maintain good boundaries to create professional and personal sustainability.
It is interesting how ongoing the journey of boundary development is, and how unique our learning about boundaries can be.
Recently, one of the participants in my Thriving Professional Women’s program mentioned she was finding it harder to build and maintain boundaries in her personal life than it was to maintain them in her professional life. In her situation, her professional role was very structured and clear, whereas her personal roles as a parent, partner and co-homemaker were constantly evolving, and as her children were developing, it created ever-changing demands. It is hard to continually renegotiate demands that are constantly changing.
When the shifting demands of our personal roles are overwhelming, we can feel like we have lost our centre and inner compass for our lives.
How do you manage the competing demands of your professional and personal lives and navigate the complexity?
In our fast-paced world, where the line between work and personal life can often blur, establishing and maintaining strong professional boundaries is paramount. These boundaries not only safeguard our well-being but also ensure we can sustainably offer the highest level of care to our work.
Reflective Questions
What do healthy boundaries look like for you? It is important for us to articulate what we aspire to achieve in terms of balancing our professional and personal lives.
What would be the tell-tale signs of unhealthy boundaries?
Are there situations where your boundaries are tested and need your attention?
How do you navigate the line between compassion and over-identification with clients?
Learning to reflect on the balance between compassion for our clients and not getting over-identified with their challenges is an ongoing learning opportunity for many of us. It is easy to end up over-functioning, especially when we are working in a system with limited resources for each of our clients.
Are you confident saying NO when needed?
Saying NO and learning to set limits is a critical priority for each of us.
What strategies help you protect your personal time and well-being? Our practical, meaningful strategies for self-care are essential. We need to care for our physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual selves in ways that are unique and enriching.
As caring professionals, we are often so focussed on the needs of others we can tend to take on extra tasks which can reveal a tendency toward over-functioning.
The Concept of Over-Functioning
One of the concepts I have found very useful in the area of boundary-setting is over-functioning. I first came across this concept decades ago in Harriet Lerner’s book, ‘The Dance of Anger’.
Over-functioning refers to the tendency to take on more responsibility than is necessary or healthy. In our context, this can easily manifest as taking on an excessive caseload, working longer hours, or neglecting personal well-being in favour of client care.
Over-functioning can be detrimental to both our professional and personal lives. It can lead to burnout, decreased job satisfaction, and strained relationships. Recognising the signs of over-functioning is the first step toward addressing this issue:
Common signs of over-functioning
The common signs of over-functioning tend to include:
Constantly Putting Work First: If you find yourself consistently prioritising work over personal commitments and self-care, you may be over-functioning.
Neglecting Personal Boundaries: Over-functioners often have blurred or non-existent boundaries between work and personal life.
Overly Invested in Others’ Emotions: Over-functioners can be hyper-vigilant to others’ emotions and take on too much emotional responsibility, which can also be a trauma response.
Feeling Overwhelmed: Persistent feelings of overwhelm, anxiety, or exhaustion may indicate over-functioning. [Caution: Overwhelm may also indicate excessive workloads!]
Difficulty Delegating: An inability to delegate tasks or trust colleagues with responsibilities can be a sign of over-functioning.
Setting Boundaries to Combat Over-Functioning
Overcoming over-functioning requires a strong commitment to setting and maintaining boundaries. Here’s how you can start:
Self-awareness: Reflect on your work habits and their impact on your well-being. Recognise the signs of over-functioning and acknowledge when you need to take a step back.
Boundary Reinforcement: Establish clear boundaries between work and personal life. Stick to your defined work hours and prioritise meaningful self-care.
Seek Support: Reach out to colleagues, mentors, or supervisors for guidance and support. They can provide valuable insights and encouragement.
Professional Development: Invest in your own learning and/or seek counselling to develop strategies for maintaining healthy boundaries.
Maintaining strong boundaries is essential not only for achieving a healthy work-life balance but also for avoiding the pitfalls of over-functioning.
By defining clear boundaries and recognising the signs of over-functioning, you can nurture a fulfilling and sustainable career while also prioritising your own well-being. Striking this balance is not only beneficial for you but ultimately leads to better client care and outcomes.
I'd love to hear some of the ways that you have mastered maintaining healthy boundaries.