Turning Tough Feedback Moments Into Opportunities for Trust

Watching feedback land badly can be challenging. You may notice a shift in posture, a defensive tone, silence, or visible distress from the person to whom you are speaking. Even when your intentions are constructive, feedback can trigger strong emotional reactions that derail the message and strain the relationship.

Most professionals want to grow, yet the experience of receiving feedback can feel threatening, especially in environments where the emotional load is already high.

Understanding why these reactions occur, and how to repair connection after a difficult exchange, is essential for psychologically safe, respectful workplaces and effective supervision.

Why this matters

Feedback is one of the most powerful tools we have for strengthening capability, clarity, and teamwork. When it is delivered or received poorly, it can unintentionally create harm, fuel misunderstanding, and erode trust.

From many years working with leaders, supervisors, and health professionals, I see a consistent pattern. Humans notice potential threats more readily than reassurance, and feedback conversations often activate this threat response. When we understand this, we can respond with more empathy, steadiness, and skill.

Why feedback sometimes lands poorly

Several factors, including psychological safety, relational intelligence, and communication capability, shape how feedback is interpreted.

• Emotional overload at the time of the conversation

  If a person is already carrying stress, fatigue, cognitive load, or emotional strain, their ability to process feedback is reduced. This is especially relevant in settings, such as those where health professionals work, where cumulative emotional labour is significant.

• Limited psychological safety

  When people are unsure whether they are respected, valued, or understood, any critical message can feel like a personal threat rather than an opportunity for learning.

• Ambiguity or unclear expectations

  If role clarity, behavioural expectations, or performance measures are vague, feedback may feel surprising or unfair. Clarity is a cornerstone of effective communication and supervision.

• Past experiences of poorly delivered feedback

  Past experiences of unhelpful or unclear feedback can carry into the present, affecting how a person listens and responds. These earlier encounters may shape their interpretation of the current message.

• Mismatch between intention and impact

  You may approach the conversation thoughtfully, yet the listener may still experience the message differently than you intended. Factors such as timing, tone, or situational stress can influence how feedback is interpreted. The key is recognising the gap between intention and impact.

• When feedback goes sideways: how to repair the relationship

  Repairing rapport is a vital part of leadership, supervision, and professional maturity. Connection, curiosity, and emotional literacy sit at the heart of restoring psychological safety after a difficult moment.

Below are several strategies that help rebuild trust and strengthen the relationship.

Acknowledge the moment without defensiveness

Gently noticing what has happened can diffuse tension. For example, “It looks like my message came across differently to how I intended. I want to make sure this feels safe and constructive for you.”

This signals respect and reassures the other person they are not being judged.

Invite their perspective

Curiosity opens the door to deeper understanding. You might ask: “What was it like hearing that?” or “What part felt uncomfortable for you?”

This creates space for reflective dialogue.

Slow the pace

The nervous system needs time to settle before learning can occur. Pausing, taking a short break, or revisiting the conversation later can reduce emotional overload.

Reclarify shared purpose

Reaffirming your intention helps return the conversation to partnership. For example, “My goal is to support your development and help us work well together.”

Purpose reduces defensiveness and restores collaboration.

Take responsibility for your contribution

Leaders and supervisors build trust by acknowledging their own missteps. For example: “My timing wasn’t ideal.” or “I can see how my wording may have felt abrupt.”

This strengthens credibility and relational safety.

Reset expectations with clarity and kindness

Once emotions have settled, revisit the feedback with clearer examples, shared understanding, and agreed next steps. Clarity and kindness together support learning and accountability.

Practical steps for individuals

The strategies below aim to support greater self-awareness, clarity, and steadiness when you are receiving or working through feedback.

• Pause and notice your internal response before reacting. This creates space to think rather than respond from habit.

• Ask for clarification if a point feels unclear or surprising. Curiosity supports understanding.

• Identify what part of the message may be useful, even if it was delivered imperfectly.

• Use supervision to reflect on feedback and build confidence in managing emotionally challenging conversations.

Practical steps for leaders and workplaces

The following suggestions create workplaces where feedback is constructive, respectful, and grounded in psychological safety.

• Foster a culture where open communication is encouraged and supported.

• Use supervision to strengthen capability and confidence in navigating challenging conversations.

• Embed reflective practice to help staff process emotional load and maintain wellbeing.

• Address systemic contributors to stress, knowing these often shape how feedback is received and interpreted.

• Model relational intelligence by regulating your own emotions, recognising when discomfort is present, and addressing it early to rebuild connection.

Feedback is not simply an exchange of information. When handled with care, it is an opportunity to deepen trust, strengthen capability, and support meaningful growth. The true measure of professionalism is not whether feedback always goes smoothly, but how we repair, reconnect, and continue learning together.

Would you like to read more?

Amy Edmonson's book, The Fearless Organisation (2019), explores how psychological safety shapes people’s willingness to speak up, receive feedback, and stay engaged when conversations are challenging. It is particularly helpful for understanding why feedback can trigger defensiveness or withdrawal in high-pressure environments, and how leaders can create conditions that support learning, trust, and respectful dialogue.

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