Saying ‘No’ today is a way to keep saying ‘Yes’ tomorrow

When systems fall short, healthcare professionals often try to fill the gap.

We over-function. We do unpaid admin after hours. We say yes when we are already at capacity. We feel responsible for holding things together, especially when our clients are vulnerable and our team is stretched.

This is not just common. It has become normalised.

In my book, Caring Costs - Addressing the Cost of Caring in Healthcare, I describe over-functioning as one of the most overlooked and exhausting patterns facing healthcare professionals. It comes from a place of care. But it has a cost.

“We are trained in best practice, not funded for it.”

This means we often find ourselves torn between what we know is right and what the system can support. And in that gap, we quietly take on more.

More work. More responsibility. More emotional weight.

But when we over-function, we leave no room to rest, reflect, or restore. Over time, this leads to exhaustion, frustration, and burnout. And ironically, it takes us further away from being the practitioners we want to be.

When this occurs or in order to avoid it, boundaries become essential.

Boundaries are not walls. They are guide posts. They let us show up fully, but not at the cost of ourselves.

Saying no is hard when we care. But every time we say no to something that drains us, we’re saying yes to something that sustains us and gives us more energy to support the work we need and / or want to be carrying out.

Here are a few ideas to explore:

• Revisit your invisible workload. What tasks have crept into your day that you’re not paid or expected to do?

• Identify your non-negotiables. Choose one thing you won’t compromise on each week. It might be finishing on time twice a week or taking your full lunch break.

• Practice a respectful no. Saying no doesn’t need to come with guilt. It can sound like: “I’d love to support this, but I’m at (or beyond) capacity” or “That’s not something I can take on right now.”

• Shift the story. Boundaries are not selfish - they are what make long-term, ethical care possible.

When I speak with participants at my workshops they realise that every hour worked comes out of time they could spend with their family, sleep or other activities that support their mental health - this realisation makes it easier for them to say "no" to these requests.

It is important to start seeing boundaries as a duty of care to yourself, and to the clients who rely on you being well.

You can still care deeply and protect your energy. These are not opposites. They belong together.

So if you have been pushing through, doing more than is sustainable, this is your reminder:

• Saying no is not giving up

• Saying no is not selfish

Give yourself permission to keep saying yes—to your work, your purpose, your wellbeing, and your life outside of it.

Let’s reframe what it means to be a caring professional. Boundaries are not the end of care. They are what make care possible.

You can download a free copy of my book Caring Costs - Addressing the Cost of Caring in Healthcare here to read more about practical strategies to protect your emotional energy and well being at both at the individual and team level.

If you’d like support in building psychologically safe and thriving teams, I invite you to join my upcoming workshops:

Thriving Sustainably - online, 30 June 2025

Leadership Development - in person in Melbourne, 14 and 15 July 2025

View the upcoming dates for all my workshops here or contact me directly if you would like to discuss how I could support a challenge or learning need in your workplace.

Upcoming public training programs

relevant previous newsletters you may be interested in…